The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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