Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
