turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
