On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
