That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
