Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
