dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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