Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
