Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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