Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
