The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
