There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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