it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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