Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
