I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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