hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
