People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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