you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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