So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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