I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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