hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
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i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
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Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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