its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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