your parents love me but you hate me
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
