There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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