I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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