take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
