A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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