Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
