so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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