Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
