Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
