i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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