Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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