My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Come see our sink grown plant.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
