i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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