Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
