She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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