Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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