You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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