you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
