I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
