i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
