My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
