I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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