Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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