my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
