I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
