So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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