we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
