North Korea, Best Korea!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
