I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
