YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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