Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
