I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
