Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
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I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
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Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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