I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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