When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
