2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
its not stalking. its research.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
