In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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