i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
