my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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