I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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