too bad you live with your parents still
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
