I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
