I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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