Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Your penis caused this!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
