had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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