We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
