My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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